When people divorce, up to 50% of the divorcees end up regretting it. Can couples avoid regrets by addressing issues before da ivorce becomes inevitable?
Concerned spouses might ask, “Why do people divorce? How can I keep my marriage healthy?” Let’s learn more about the causes of divorce and possible solutions.
Why Do People Divorce?
According to Psychology Today, the top issues people list as reasons for divorce include:
- Lack of compatibility
- Constant conflict
- Lack of intimacy
Some couples have a “final straw moment.” People divorce after a money disagreement, a drug overdose, or a fight, but the final straw follows a long history of differences and disagreements.
How Counseling Can Help
The good news is that counseling can help couples resolve differences before they lead to a “final straw” moment. Instead, learning new skills can help couples reduce marital tension.
Lack of Compatibility
Since no two people are completely compatible, each person in a relationship has needs and wants that might clash with the needs and wants of a partner. People also change over the years as their paths diverge.
With counseling, partners can learn to actively listen to each other, be mindful of feelings, and rebuild trust.
It’s not necessary for partners to do everything together in order to be compatible, or to limit themselves to the same hobbies and activities. People who find joy in pursuing their own interests can find happiness in other parts of life, including their marriages.
Partners often disagree about bills, spending, and savings. Budgeting only resolves some of these issues. Money fights can actually be a reflection of larger issues.
Money means different things to different people, including success, stability, and security. Counselors can help each partner understand what money means to the other, and use communication and conflict resolutions tools to make joint, fulfilling, decisions.
Frequent arguing can leave both partners feeling disconnected and emotionally drained. While both partners want to be validated and understood, communication can devolve into criticism and contempt.
A good counselor can help couples build attunement, compromise without name calling and yelling, and calmly resolve issues.
According to the Institute for Family Studies, infidelity is the main reason some marriages end. While for other marriages it is the culmination of a marriage that is eroded by conflicts, incompatibility, and substance abuse. These long term issues can be addressed by counseling.
Couples may also use counseling to save the marriage after one partner has an affair. The recovery is a long, hard road with no guarantee of success, but it is a way to work on tools and underlying issues.
When partners no longer feel intimate with each other, their physical relationship can deteriorate. Counseling can address this by helping couples develop good communication.
Addiction can grow from the same underlying conditions as other marital disagreements. Counseling helps participants address causes of addiction, work through anger and resentment, learn mindfulness, and combat fear and anxiety.
Start Working on Your Marriage
If you’re asking, “Why do people divorce?” and worried about finding the warning signs, let us help you strengthen your marriage.
Contact us to make an appointment with a qualified marriage counselor.